


Fanboy

by sauer (Showert_ime)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cute, Eventual Romance, Falling In Love, Fluffy, Happy Ending, KaiSoo - Freeform, M/M, Romance, Slow Burn, Student Jongin, bestdaysofourlives, but - Freeform, do, im cringing myself, like really fluffy stuff, or shall I say, star kyungsoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-14
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-18 21:58:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 17,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10625934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Showert_ime/pseuds/sauer
Summary: Things take an unexpected turn when Jongin, invited on stage for one of D.O’s songs, faints.





	1. Fanboy - pt.1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for the Best Days of our Lives Fest! The prompt was basically about fan Jongin fainting on stage after being invited for some fanservice with star D.O. Had a lot of fun with that haha
> 
> It's very, very cheesy and slow burn, and I went over it more than once to edit it (and my gf Soohua helped with plot stuff too), but do feel free to point out any mistake!

When the dark stage screen lights up and the other fans around him start screaming, Jongin knows it’s beginning. 

The eagerness kicks in further, coursing through his limbs and his already wild, excited thoughts, almost making him feel faint. _Ah, no_ , he corrects himself, he definitely feels faint. It’s just not entirely unpleasant. 

His shirt is clinging to his back under his black jacket and he is shifting his weight from one foot to the other, slightly uncomfortable due to the burning sweat accumulating. He nervously pushes a few strands of silvery blond hair aside, frowning. 

He thinks he could suffocate because of the heat emanating from all the people around him, but he breathes in and out slowly: he wants to be here after all.

He’s outright staring at the stage, waiting for the very moment his idol will appear. He’s not even blinking and his eyes tear up a bit because of the strong light rays, because what if he misses it? What if he misses _his_ entrance? 

(He’s quite close to the stage, he knows he won’t miss it – his first appearance. He’s just incredibly nervous. That’s all.) 

He doesn’t exactly care if he seems intense, if he is “too much”, simply because he has stopped caring at some point. (At the very least, that’s what he tells himself.) He doesn’t mind that he is one of the very few male fans here tonight, though it will probably always make one a bit self-conscious at first. 

After all, he believes there’s nothing fundamentally wrong with him being _inspirationally speaking_ head over heels for D.O, this Korean singer barely older than he is. 

He has adored him since day one and he wants to show his support. That’s all there is to it. It might appear simple-minded, but he is fine with this. (Almost.)

Kyungsoo is his inspiration, his motivation, if you may say it this way. 

 

And then it happens. A figure appears, dark against blinding silver spots, and Jongin thinks he’s finally going to lose it along with the rest of the fans. It’s one of the happiest days of his life, if not the happiest up to now. 

 

Jongin has been a fan ever since he found a low-quality, very much pixelated video of Kyungsoo, now known as D.O (what a stupid stage name, he thinks), doing a random song cover. If he remembers well, it was a Bruno Mars song. A soothing song at that, with delicate yet rousing notes escaping from an acoustic guitar. This was years ago, and still he can perfectly remember the fluttering butterflies in his stomach when he saw and heard the other boy for the very first time. His dark fringe, a bit too long, covered his thick, expressive eyebrows. His lips, full and cutely heart-shaped, were captivating to look at as they continuously parted to form a pretty melody with cheesy words. 

He has never really questioned his interest in Do Kyungsoo: he deems it to be admiration, inspiration, and always has deemed it to be so. He doesn’t know him on a personal level at all since he has never met him, but he has to admit he knows quite a few “random” facts about the older boy, facts ranging from his birthdate (so close to his own!) to what plushies were lined up against the far wall of his room at some point (if one observes the video backgrounds closely enough…). 

But the most important thing to keep in mind, he believes, is that Kyungsoo is an inspiration to him. 

His inspiration. 

His inspiration to dance, his inspiration to be an artist and to never give up, his inspiration to be himself and follow what he wants above all else. 

 

At first, Kyungsoo became fairly known on the internet by posting videos of himself singing and talking about future singing projects. Be it because of his angelic voice or his charming looks, he somehow managed to sign a contract with an entertainment agency a few months after Jongin discovered his first covers. 

Jongin remembers being worried for the singer’s future. 

In spite of everything, D.O has since then released two mini-albums and one regular album and has continued to take part in various singing and modelling projects. He even held a few fan meetings – and no, the teen isn’t _that_ bitter about the fact he didn’t get to attend one yet, whatever Baekhyun says. He’s happy the artist is not overly popular yet just enough to do well on the music charts, else it would be a real concern to him. He doesn’t want to see him struggle. He is hardly a year older than he is and Jongin has enough difficulties managing his own teenage life, he doesn’t want to imagine how hard it must be for the singer at times. 

He thinks that as long as he gets to enjoy Kyungsoo’s good looks, his voice and his talks through the agency’s channel or his personal Instagram account, he’ll be happy. 

But of course, it doesn’t stop his brain and his heart from pairing up to fuel that fantasy of meeting the pretty, charismatic singer. 

 

As soon as he bought his ticket for the concert, he started planning everything that he might need for that very, incredibly special day.

As a result of this zeal of his, he made his own fanboard, bought the still unofficial silver-blue light stick and even changed his phone so he could film and take decent pictures with a more recent one. After all, the old one had the annoying capacity to make everything appear ghostly as soon as a bit of lighting was involved in the picture, meaning he certainly would not be able to photograph D.O on stage when the time came. 

The day before the concert he even went to the hairdresser, much to his mother’s delight. His hair was starting to be long, too long and unruly to fit some sort of bleached, messy hair aesthetics. His mother never liked him bleaching his hair so much, but she could enjoy nicely cut hair at the very least. She always let him go ahead with his ideas unless they were outrageously stupid or dangerous. 

In the end he packed a small bottle of water, his wallet, his phone, the light stick, everything that he thought could help. Everything that could make this evening memorable. 

(He decided to ditch his fanboard at the very last minute because it was too much of a hassle. Such hard work for nothing – but he’s happy with it nonetheless. Maybe he can just keep it as some sort of souvenir.)

 

He arrived early, thinking maybe he would be able to avoid long lines of jittery fans and wouldn’t have to endure a distressingly long wait standing up. Sadly, it seems he didn’t think it through very well. He’s familiar with being under the spotlight but he certainly isn’t one to attend shows. 

The fans around him are pushing, pulling, and crushing him, apparently unable to contain themselves. He can imagine and even understand the stress and happy feelings one has at the thought of seeing his or her favorite idol because God, he has been saving for a year and bought his ticket as soon as the sales opened and he has also been preparing for months already and _ohmygod_ Kyungsoo is going to be in the same room as him- but this is too much. 

The show hasn’t even started yet and it makes him wonder what the singer would think of his crazy fans. They are expecting the doors to open soon, but at this point he cannot wait to be sitting in his seat and waiting for the show to begin. 

Ah, but at least, there’s a nice girl right next to him. They’ve decided to link arms after discussing and sympathizing a bit over the loud cacophony. It helps them not to sway too much in this continuously moving human flood. She has that extraordinary normal smile, yet her eyes twinkle with something more. A purple glittery pin is holding back a bit of her dark brown hair away from her face and it doesn’t take long for Jongin to decide he likes her. 

 

When the security guards finally open the doors, the general frenzy gets worse. Luckily for Jongin, it takes him only a few minutes to reach his seat – quite close to the stage actually – once he’s parted ways with the nice girl. He forgot to ask her name while they were talking. 

 

The MC is a pretty one, a man with long legs and symmetrical features. He has an easy, lively voice and Jongin thinks whoever chose him made a great choice. He really keeps things interesting when the singer needs to go backstage to change or for his makeup to be retouched. 

Jongin is also smiling goofily at the stage, oh so happy from witnessing his favorite male star ever. 

The MC and Kyungsoo animate a bit, talk a bit, the singer presents things about himself. They even invite a female staff member on stage, who’s hiding her face with the sleeves of her jacket, to explain some of the concepts behind the concert’s song order and choices of outfit. 

Then, the MC mentions that they are going to pick someone from the crowd. D.O is going to perform one of his catchiest and most mature song yet and a lucky fan will get to sit on a chair on stage while the singer dances and sings. 

_Don’t worry, you all, there’ll be other fans to be chosen!_

The crowd goes wild. Everyone wants to be picked for the first direct fanservice act, or so it seems. 

_Who will be the lucky one?_ The MC asks. 

Jongin feels his arms move before he can stop himself, trying to be noticed – and not really understanding himself since he knows he looks foolish right now. One girl beside him is actually laughing at him, but instead of being mean, she takes his arm and tries to get him to be noticed too. At least, he tells himself, he’s definitely not the only one amongst the chorus of “ahhhh”s and “oohhhh”s to look stupid right now. And he can always conveniently tell himself that this other fan is also responsible for his excitation. 

The thing he didn’t plan is that he _does_ get picked by the MC. 

A few girls and and boys near him whine sadly, but the girl and another fan happily push him forward before he can even comprehend what’s happening. He’s brought to the forefront, to the set of stairs that will carry him to the stage. 

For a few seconds, this particular set of black metal stairs seems like the worst obstacle he has ever encountered in his short life. He cannot move his feet: they are melting, stuck to the ground. 

Fans encourage him, push him, and he has no choice but to climb. 

He barely dares to advance further once he is on the last step, his legs feeling like jelly and his breathing pace picking up a bit. Wait, a bit? Panting would definitely be more accurate right now to describe the way in which he is getting air into his lungs. 

The lights are blinding and the crowd seems like an infinite mass of dark, moving figures and flashes. Jongin isn’t sure if it looks scary or incredible right now. He sincerely hopes the cameras aren’t zooming in on his face too closely. After all, he’s got a zit on the left side of his face on his jawline and he probably looks like a gasping, confused fish out of the water. 

Is that how the fishes he used to collect with his father felt once they were out of the water? Incapable of controlling their own body, gasping for air yet drowning in it because suddenly there is too much of it? Maybe he should reconsider his life choices after this. 

The MC comes up to him, making a joke about his reluctance to walk on the stage. His voice is nice and his smile too: he’s probably only trying to break the tension. Hell, Jongin thinks he must be oozing stress right now. He tries to laugh. He also notices that Kyungsoo isn’t there, probably backstage to adjust something or change outfits. 

D.O. He should focus on calling him D.O, not Kyungsoo. 

“What’s your name?” The MC inquires, guiding him to a chair illuminated by bright, shiny gray stage lights. He bites his lips nervously before gathering a bit of courage, “M-my name’s Jongin.”

“Alright, Jongin-ssi,” starts the MC, “are you ready for the song? You just have to sit and- oh! Our D.O is back.” He waves to the idol, idol who’s currently smiling and waving to the crowd in a very happy fashion. Jongin’s doesn’t see well enough to know if it’s the makeup that has been retouched or if his shirt is of a different color than earlier, instead feeling his heart beat even wilder against his ribcage. Really, he thinks the conflicting feelings fighting inside his head are going to make him faint. Or something. 

He’s so happy to see his idol, but _ohmygod_ , it’s too much for him. What if he already fainted and he’s just dreaming? Such a nice dream it would be then. 

It’s almost funny how the sounds become so loud they just grow duller and quieter, and suddenly Jongin cannot understand or hear the MC’s instructions well anymore, although he still feels himself nodding. His feet carry him to the chair without him tripping. 

Then, before he realises it all, a loud, deep beat resounds in the concert hall and soon enough, Kyungsoo’s voice follows. At first, he thinks he might make it through the song okay, but after half of it, D.O leans in carefully toward him, forehead sweaty and a mike in his hands. He makes sure not to get too close but still close enough that Jongin feels his personal space invaded. In a nice way, but invaded nonetheless. 

At the last moment, as the smell of makeup spray and gel and sweat hits him, he feels the blood rush out of his face. The lightheaded feeling he has been trying to fight off for the past minutes and ignore since earlier intensifies even more. He doesn’t even feel it when his body becomes limp on the chair and he falls to the side, sliding. 

Kyungsoo luckily catches him before he can hit the ground, confusion etched on his face, dropping his mike to the ground. 

Everything becomes black. Jongin thinks he hears something and then silence prevails. 

 

When he comes back to himself, the first sounds he picks up are muffled. They progressively become clearer, and then he can identify voices, murmuring about who knows what. There is movement around him, frantic steps – 

There is a hand on his cheek, patting gently, almost caressing. It’s comforting. He wants to lean into the touch. 

Then he opens his eyes and all he sees is Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo, leaning over him, close enough again that he can feel his breath – it smells like mint, and he really doesn’t mind - fanning over his face and smell whatever cologne or perfume he’s wearing. It’s all mixed with the odour of sweat, of course, but that is to be expected and even this detail makes the flutters in his stomach worsen somehow. How can his body still be excited at the idea of Kyungsoo beside him? He fainted and barely just woke up. Because that’s what just happened, right? He fainted. Because of Kyungsoo (and the heat). Just how infatuated is he? 

Isn’t D.O supposed to only be an inspiration? A motivation? 

Sometimes Jongin forgets he’s a fanboy who squeals each time a new video of Kyungsoo comes out.

 _Sometimes you’re a bit of an idiot_ , Baekhyun would say. An oblivious one. 

He looks around. He obviously isn’t on the stage anymore. Maybe backstage? It would definitely make more sense. 

The shock of the events doesn’t really leave him even when he’s helped into a sitting position by a female staff member and Kyungsoo. He tries to make sense of what’s happening around him: a man who looks like a manager is saying to some technicians that they took care of the intermission, another man is pressuring two staff members to do whatever it is they have to do quickly, makeup artists are discussing rapidly about – something – it just doesn’t end. 

Because he seems lost and annoyed at the sounds, the female staff member gets up and pulls at a black curtain. Oh, they probably are in some kind of changing room. It helps a bit. He feels more at ease once there aren’t all these running staff members around. 

Funnily enough, when he finally sets his eyes on D.O once more, the dizziness seems to momentarily diminish. Then, he feels his cheeks become red, his lips parted because words are stuck in his throat. He doesn’t know what to say, how to start. He’s been looking around for the past minutes without saying anything. Maybe he looks weird now. 

His idol of many, many years is right beside him, and he’s looking at him with a small smile on his face. 

On his other side, the girl says, “Oh, he’s got some colors back in his face. I will go get a bottle of water.”

Kyungsoo nods hurriedly, almost instantly reporting his attention back to him, voice soft when he asks, “Are you alright? What’s your name?”

At this, Jongin spaces out for an instant. When he notices that his idol is staring back expectantly at him, eyes wide and worried, he shakes his head to clear his thoughts, hesitating greatly. It’s true that the other didn’t hear him say his name to the MC since he was backstage when it happened. 

He swallows with difficulty, his mouth full of cotton and his tongue heavy, “I- I, hum, I’m fine. Totally f-fine. I mean, I’m much better already. Thank you…?” The truth is that he’s still feeling quite sluggish, hot yet cold, and he doesn’t think his legs would support him to their full capacity yet. His back is drenched in cold sweats and his hair is slightly matted, sticking a bit to his forehead. How annoying to think he doesn’t look that great right now. He doesn’t feel that great either, but in front of Kyungsoo, that comes second. Second to his physical appearance. 

Impressive, really, the effect someone can have on him. 

But he can’t ignore his idol: he’s even better looking than on the pictures, even better looking than in the videos. 

Black hair in a side-cut, round dark eyes lined with natural looking makeup, rosy plush lips and yes, visible skin imperfections on his cheeks and jawline, but he’s just perfect. Soft yet well-defined features that can transform into anything from wonder to sensuality. 

Exactly the young man Jongin has been pining on for years, just even better now that he gets to see him “for real”. 

It doesn’t take long for him to be long gone in front of that same young man once again. He doesn’t even react to the hand waving in front of his face. 

Baekhyun has always told him he needs to work on that spacing out habit. It happens all the time when he’s overwhelmed or anxious. 

“-r name? What’s your name?”

Still, back again to reality. “What?” He’s startled, looking down at the bottle of water that suddenly appears in his hands. It’s cold and condensation droplets make his fingers wet (wetter would be more precise since his palms were already clammy), but the freshness is welcome. 

Kyungsoo almost seems amused by his lack of reaction. “Alright, drink a bit first. You’re a bit too hot, even for someone who’s been in a crowd.”

So he does drink, lifting the bottle’s mouth to his own with two trembling hands. He tries to take a sip nonchalantly, but ends up choking on the water and spilling some on his laps. His ears are burning. How clumsy can he get? 

And the realisation hits him. Kyungsoo said his temperature was too high. Did he – did he touch his neck or forehead while he was out? 

(Has Jongin already forgotten about the hand cradling his face as he woke up?)

He pushes that thought away and self-consciousness comes back to hit him full force. 

He knows the feeling of embarrassment well. Hell, he’s had to cope with it many, many times in his short life, be it because of some idiot friends or his own awkwardness (shyness would be a nicer way to put it). Furthermore, he has danced on stage on numerous occasions. He’s familiar with this all, and yet – 

Yet, right now, he’s mortified with himself. He dropped water on himself like a child unable to judge how fast water would spill out of the bottle’s neck. 

He tries to wipe his chin without looking too pathetic, but before he can wet his sleeves, he’s presented with a few tissues. He takes them, not daring to lift his gaze for the time being. He needs to get his shit back together, he really needs to, but… 

But his most favorite idol ever is looking at him staring right through him and into his soul and _ohmygod_ that small smile on his full, perfectly shaped lips is soul-crushingly cute. 

“What’s your name? I’m sorry I’m insisting so much, but I really want to make it up to you and it would probably be easier with your name.”

These words are music to his ears and he almost can’t contain the smile blossoming on his own lips. It’s probably just a dream. A dream that is trying to show him how embarrassing he can be, but a dream nonetheless. 

“J-Jongin. I mean, my name’s Kim Jongin,” he has the decency to answer after a whole two minutes of awkward staring. Now, there is only the two of them behind the black curtain, away from the rest. 

“Jongin? It’s a nice name,” says Kyungsoo. “Pleased to meet you. I’m so sorry for this, I… really didn’t mean for this to happen. For, uh, you to faint.” 

He has the tact not to add _because of me_ , and Jongin is relieved that the singer isn’t trying to embarrass him further. 

And then, he accidentally disconnects. 

Kyungsoo. 

Kyungsoo said his name is nice. 

Kyungsoo said he has a nice name. 

Kyungsoo said “Jongin is a nice name” and smiled and bowed to him and even apologised for something he shouldn’t have to apologise for and- 

“-ygod, you’re bleeding!”

He looks down at his laps and notices a few drops of dark, red liquid seeping through his pants. _Oh. Blood._ He can feel hot liquid running down his nose, mouth and chin: some accidentally trickles into his mouth and it tastes like iron. 

It’s a good thing his pants weren’t expensive, because they might just be ruined after this, he thinks distractedly. 

He isn’t really panicked by his nosebleed, rather it gives him the occasion to watch as the dark haired idol leans in and places tissues under his nose, instructing him to lean forward and pinch the bridge of his nose. He follows the instructions, actually happy to oblige Kyungsoo. All of what happened in the last half an hour (he isn’t sure, is it less than that? What about the concert?) is worth a terrible fanfiction, but the butterflies in his stomach haven’t stopped flying around. 

 

Once blood finally stops pouring out of his nose, Kyungsoo is called and chastised by his manager for staying backstage for so long. He has to go back quickly, the fans are starting to get restless, and he looks around with confusion in his stare before telling Jongin not to move. 

He leaves, and Jongin thinks he won’t see him anymore, but he appears again two minutes later. 

Jongin tilts his head at the other. 

Kyungsoo is handing him a phone. 

“It’s my phone,” he explains helpfully, “would you mind giving me your phone number? I’d really like to make it up to you.”

“What?” Jongin asks in disbelief. Why would Kyungsoo want to know his phone number just to make it up to him?

He must be dreaming. 

“Please, I really need to go,” Kyungsoo is frowning and biting his lower lip, looking nervously toward what must be the stage entrance, and Jongin doesn’t question anything anymore as he takes the cellphone and enters his phone number. Kyungsoo probably wasn’t even supposed to be the one taking care of him backstage. 

He surprisingly doesn’t hesitate before asking, “Can I get your autograph?”

Kyungsoo raises both eyebrows at him. “You… My autograph? Uh, sure? Quickly?”

He couldn’t help but ask before the other leaves to go back on stage. 

Kyungsoo thus signs him a random piece of paper that was in one of Jongin’s jacket pockets. Even once he’s gone, Jongin can’t help but flush happily as he holds the piece of paper with Kyungsoo’s stylised initials close to his heart. 

 

He’s left so confused and dumbfounded that when one of the staff members notices him staring at the bottle of water like it’s going to explain him why Kyungsoo is perfect, he blushes furiously and the staff member tells him it’d be better if he didn’t go back into the crowd. They can bring him to a seat further away from the scene instead, it’d be better, safer, especially if he wants to enjoy the rest of the concert. 

His heart drops in his stomach and his lower lip juts out sadly, but he knows that the staff cannot take any chance with this. He gets up, makes sure he has everything with him – his cellphone, his wallet, the bottle of water, he cannot find his light stick – and then follows one of the staff members to a seated area further away from the stage. 

He lost his light stick, but he can always buy another one, right? 

 

The concert ends nicely (and later than it was supposed to) and Kyungsoo apologises profusely to his fans before giving his thanks and such. Some actually notice Jongin’s arrival, but most stay focused on the pretty boy on stage. 

He prefers it that way. He’s glad he got to see the other. Once it’s all over he’s a bit sad, but that night he sleeps quite well. 

Thoughts of Kyungsoo making it up to him are mainly what carry him to sleep. He hopes for more, but just enough that he can forget about all of this after a month if ever nothing happens. Which, let’s be honest, would be more likely than Kyungsoo actually contacting him to make it up to him. 

Even so, Jongin hopes. 

 

Life carries on and Jongin gets back into his daily routine fairly quickly. School sadly hasn’t disappeared, he has dance training and also enough homework to keep himself busy. The first few days leave him a bit confused: everything from this evening feels like a dream, from the beginning of the concert to him being invited on stage to his somewhat private and unplanned meeting with Kyungsoo. 

He feels unsatisfied and empty at first, but eventually the contradictory feelings melt away and he can go back to watching D.O’s Instagram pictures without feeling too weirded out by all of this. 

Funnily enough, the dissatisfaction and emptiness remind him of the feeling of missing someone. 

It’s a bit as if he discovered he was incomplete for a moment, and then forcibly forgot he was ever missing a piece to begin with. 

He doesn’t ponder too much over it. He cheers himself up by thinking that this was one of his greatest life experiences up to now – whatever Baekhyun, his so-called great friend, says. 

 

He’s listening to a boring lecture in class when it happens. 

He’s sitting at the far back of the room, the last desk of the row, when his cellphone suddenly starts vibrating and an embarrassing Girl’s Generation ringtone is resonating in the room. _Fuck_ , he thinks, he forgot to turn it off, but who the hell would even call him at 16:13? His parents aren’t off from work yet and most of his friends are at school or training somewhere in something. 

Is this something urgent? Has something bad happened to his dog? Or maybe it is just his mother telling him she got off work earlier? Maybe she’s sick? 

He apologises to the disapproving teacher and, cheeks burning, hands trembling, turns off his cellphone. That should teach him not to leave it on his desk. Right before he turns it off, he notices that he doesn’t know the cellphone number displayed on the screen: unknown caller. He frowns, but he will wait for the class to end before calling back whoever called. Maybe it’s just a prank call though, or someone who dialed the wrong number. 

Right beside him, Baekhyun looks at him with raised eyebrow, but he shakes his head to signal that it’s nothing important.

Only 47 minutes to go before he can call back – if he has the guts and cares enough to do so. 

 

Time is sometimes a difficult thing to get a grasp of. 

Unfortunately enough, too, it’s always when one is waiting for something that it seems to stretch on and on forever. 

Jongin’s jittery leg almost has cramps at the end of the class. He thought he wasn’t really curious about the call, but something inside his head is making him hope for something. 

For someone. 

Right, for Kyungsoo to call and make it up to him, but that he won’t admit it to himself, because it just won’t happen, right? 

Anticipation makes his fingers weak once he presses the return call button and he bites his lips in a nervous fashion as he listens to the ringing on the other end of the line. 

When nothing happens after almost two minutes of wait, he sighs and gives up. 

Maybe it was just no one after all. He might as well go back home to study, Baekhyun’s already left for some singing practice anyway. 

 

Jongin is playing a game on his computer when his cellphone’s screen lights up several times in a row. He blinks, frowns, then swears because in this very short unguarded moment, a player from the other team completely destroyed his mage. 

He sighs loudly, maybe a bit overdramatically so, and then finally takes the time to unlock his screen to read the messages. 

**Unknown** – _xxxxxxxxxxxx_

hey, it’s kyungsoo

d.o 

i’m sorry it’s been so long

i saw you tried to call me back

sorry for that

This is all the texts say. Jongin’s heart is beating so fast right now, he has the impression it’ll come out of his chest. His hands are already clammy. He doesn’t know what to answer. 

He knows how he wants to react. He wants to squeal, to text Baekhyun about it, he wants to be a fanboy about it. It feels, once more, as if he’s in that sweet dream, and it makes him wonder yet again if it isn’t just a prank from someone. How they would know all of this, he has no clue, but still. 

He doesn’t know how to look alright and cool about it. He needs to look cool about it. 

 

It takes him a while before he decides to answer. 

And when he does, he tries to keep it short and sweet. It’ll probably help to limit his overflowing emotions that threaten to contaminate his texts. Eagerness. Hyperawareness. Joy. 

**kim jongin** – _xxxxxxxxxxxx_

Hey

it’s ok, don’t worry about this really 

After that, he doesn’t know if he should add anything. He doesn’t dare to. How are you? What are you doing? It all sounds dumb and invasive at the moment, even though these are pretty vague, normal introduction questions. There are so many things he’d like to ask, to know about his favorite idol ever, but… 

But instead he keeps silent. It takes another 30 minutes before Jongin’s cellphone’s screen lights up again. As soon as his eyes catch that, he’s on it. His heart is beating wildly. 

He can’t really believe this is happening right now. 

And ah, he thinks, he should change this new… contact’s information. So he changes “unknown” to “Poro”. He’s a bit worried of what could happen if someone notices he has a contact named “Do Kyungsoo” or something similar on his cellphone. Poro, on the other hand… means a lot and nothing at the same time. He liked the show when he was a kid, and Kyungsoo used to cuddle or play with his Poro plushie when filming certain cover videos. 

**Poro** – _xxxxxxxxxxxx_

are you doing anything next Tuesday night? 

I’d like to make it up to you

Finally 

He’s surprised at the other’s straightforwardness. Maybe it’s a good thing they are texting instead of talking on the phone. Jongin is pretty sure he’d stutter nonstop and probably would have let a few squeals escape him. 

He hesitates for a long time before his fingers dare move on the screen. He blows some hair strands out of his field of vision. 

**kim jongin** – _xxxxxxxxxxxx_

I’m free next Tuesday night

Where do you want to meet? 

 

Kyungsoo doesn’t tell him right away where they should meet. Jongin supposes it’s because he needs to stay as far away as possible from the public eye and has to figure out a place, so he waits for an answer - quite eagerly, he has to admit. 

Days pass by and next Tuesday night is fast approaching. 

Meanwhile, the amateur dancer tries to focus on his studies as well as getting some sleep. You know, it’s good for the skin. 

 

Jongin thought he was nervous and excited for the concert, but this is beyond everything else: he is going to meet up with D.O, his favorite singer. The closer the day, the wilder his dreams at night and the weirder his state of mind. 

He has been a fan since the very beginning and always has had that fantasy of meeting the other in person, but he never thought it would truly happen. Who in their right mind would even imagine this would happen for real? 

And yet, now it is happening and he’s panicking because he cannot find anything nice to wear. Nothing he has is nice enough, nothing he has is appropriate to meet Kyungsoo and for some reason his eyes cannot work out which colour fits what colour. He’s on the verge of crying when his cellphone starts ringing and he picks it up brusquely. 

“Who is it”, he asks promptly, his breathing fast. He doesn’t have time to talk. 

“I see someone is on the verge of a mental breakdown. Do you want me to come over?” 

The voice on the other end is nasal and mocking. Baekhyun, of course. He’d told his friend and classmate about it the other day… maybe he shouldn’t have. 

He whines pitifully. “Did you call me to mock me?”

Baekhyun sighs and Jongin can almost see him roll his eyes. “Yes, of course, I called to mock you since I knew you would probably have a crisis over meeting with D.O. No, come on, I called to know if you wanted me to help. If you needed some help,” he corrects helpfully. 

“Help for what,” he moans. He wants to make it clear that he’s annoyed and doesn’t have much time before meeting the star. He wants to make it clear that he’s going to lose it. 

“Help for your outfit, dumbass, what else could I even help you with”, says Baekhyun with a hint of laughter in his voice. “It’s hard enough keeping my mouth shut about you meeting D.O, I don’t think I should give you any advice on how to act with him. You’re awkward, but I’m sure my advices would make it worse.” 

Jongin knows he shouldn’t have said a word about this to the other, but he isn’t entirely regretting it now. Baekhyun sometimes has enough common sense to keep his mouth shut. And sometimes enough common sense to still be a good friend of his. 

“Okay, whatever, just come over,” sighs Jongin. He might as well use his friend well because anyway, alone, he isn’t getting anywhere at this point. 

 

It’s only when he reaches and enters the small restaurant Kyungsoo texted him about that he realises he doesn’t know if he should find himself a seat or wait by the entrance. It’s raining a bit, but still, he could’ve stayed under the roof’s extension. 

A waitress is walking toward him and by trying to avoid her gaze, he notices that the restaurant is mostly empty. Two tables are taken near the front windows by an elderly couple and two men, but beside that, the building appears vacant. 

Did Kyungsoo know it would be this way? It might be why he choose this place after all, right? 

It would be a good thing for Jongin to have no witnesses of his extreme awkwardness with the star, and it would be fantastic for Kyungsoo to maintain some sort of privacy. 

The waitress is a middle-aged woman. She looks familiar and nice, she has a cute button nose and wrinkles that remind him of his own mother, but Jongin might just be wrong about the “nice” part. 

“Hello, a seat for one person? Do you have a reservation?” She asks politely, smiling. Her voice is soft. 

“U-uh, I’m waiting for someone, I don’t know if they’ve arrived…” He stutters a bit on his words. He wouldn’t dare giving any name. 

Waiting for someone. Someone quite special at that. 

What if the star never shows up?

“Alright, please follow me. I’ll bring you to a place for two. At the back?”

He nods hurriedly. He’ll text Kyungsoo to tell him he is already sitting at a table at the back of the restaurant with decorative walls hiding the spot… 

 

Only when the waitress presents him with his seat, Kyungsoo is already sitting on a small cushion at the low table. “Hi”, he says as he gets up and bows lightly. Jongin is so shocked that he doesn’t even dare to sit down at first, entirely fixated on Kyungsoo’s fluffy black hair as he bows down. 

When he notices Kyungsoo is looking at him with uncertainty on his face, he scrambles down to his seat and hits his shin hard in the process. Ouch. The waitress asks them if they want anything to drink, and Jongin only asks for water. Kyungsoo takes tea. 

“H-Hi, uh, sorry, am I late?” He didn’t look at the time before entering the place and right now, he’s barely comprehending what’s happening. Kyungsoo is sitting right in front of him. His hair is a bit longer than at the concert and there is less gel in it too. He appears to be wearing lighter makeup – or is it just his natural skin? Either way, his looks are fair, just his type. 

Just his type? 

It’s weird. He never thought about Kyungsoo in such a way before. Never this straightforwardly at the very least. 

After all, the other is supposed to only be an inspiration. Someone he admires for his hard work and talent, mostly. 

“You’re not late, don’t worry. This restaurant is family-owned, that’s why I was able to make it a calm meeting place,” Kyungsoo starts, smiling at Jongin. The latter doesn’t know if it’s meant to be mocking or just amused and he feels his cheeks become redder and hotter. And he knows that even if his skin is darker than Kyungsoo’s, it’ll show. 

Just like he knows his stress is very noticeable at the moment. 

Meeting his idol in such a private context is… 

“Thank you for coming, by the way. I admit I was a bit scared of doing this, meeting with a fan and whatnot. It’s not exactly… simple. Rumors are born easily. You could’ve leaked the information to anyone in the fandom. It’s a good thing I’m not as popular as the next actor at the moment.”

Extraordinary. Distressingly so. 

And hearing Kyungsoo say this makes his chest hurt. He feels bad, and yet. He told Baekhyun, and it’s a bit weird to think an artist would take such risks for a fan that he met only once before… How did he even know Jongin would be nice enough to keep his mouth shut about this? 

He didn’t know. He just went ahead with his desire to make it up to Jongin. The amateur dancer can at the very least figure that much out. He highly doubts Kyungsoo’s manager told him to do that for a random fan, even for the sake of a nice reputation. 

He honestly is touched by his intention. He thinks he can confidently state that Kyungsoo isn’t a hidden jackass for now. It makes his heart flutter in a weird way. More and more. 

He licks his lips nervously – they’re getting dry and drier. Earlier he put on some lip balm, but clearly it’s not doing anything anymore. He’s not entirely satisfied with his outfit, but Baekhyun helped a lot. He’s grateful, sincerely grateful to his friend. 

His thoughts were on fire and without the other, he doesn’t think he’d have felt as confident as now in his outfit. He doesn’t have a lot of confidence, but it’s better than if he’d continued to panic alone. 

He’s wearing some washed-out grey jeans that actually look pretty stylish on his lean, long legs, as well as a dark beige sweater. Somehow, Baekhyun thought this colour would create a nice contrast with his dark skin. To Jongin’s never-ending surprise, he was right. 

Maybe Baekhyun should become a stylist or something. 

Also, his hair is still the same bleached, silvery blond thanks to some hair treatment he bought to keep the warmer tones away, but his dark roots are showing more and more. He really should do something about it. 

As for Kyungsoo, he’s wearing some dark sweatshirt and… pants of an unknown colour. They’re sitting after all and he won’t peer underneath the table just to get a look. For now. And glasses. He hadn’t even realised the other was wearing glasses at first.

He was so anxious when Kyungsoo stood up earlier that he didn’t register what the other was wearing. At all. 

“So, yes. I was a bit worried about inviting you, but here we are,” finishes Kyungsoo. Poor him, he doesn’t know how far in his head Jongin was gone. 

“Oh, yeah, true…” He’s so lame sometimes. “I mean, uh- can I ask you a question?” 

He’s dying to know why Kyungsoo insisted so much to make it up to him and maybe he should make some efforts to look invested and interested in their conversation – not that he isn’t. 

He’s just… distracted. 

“Yes, of course,” answers Kyungsoo. Meanwhile, the waitress is back with their beverages and takes their order. Kyungsoo asks for some soup and Jongin, for some chicken. He really needs to stop eating all that chicken. It’s not that good for him, and certainly not good at all for the chicken.

He saw a documentary about meat, egg and milk production the other day and it wasn’t very joyful. 

When they’re alone again, he tries to find his words. 

“I’m… why did you want to make it up to me so much?” 

He might as well be honest about what he wants to know. 

Kyungsoo looks a bit surprised yet not so much at the same time. Jongin waits, expecting. 

“Since when are you a fan?” 

He didn’t think Kyungsoo would fire a question back at him. It was so unexpected that he answers without thinking, “it’s been 4 years. I mean – since your first song cover.” 

Kyungsoo’s eyebrows shoot up. “Then, how much do you like me?”

Jongin believes this inquiry is a bit too much and a bit odd. Is it a trap? 

But… he still wants to answer. 

“You’re… honestly?”

Kyungsoo nods. For some reason, his expression is dead serious at the moment. Expecting, similarly to Jongin’s own expression a few seconds ago. 

“You’re my inspiration to dance. You’re my inspiration to follow what I want and… I’m really happy to be your fan.” 

Kyungsoo looks satisfied with the answer, there’s a smile spreading somewhat shyly on his thick lips – but then he shakes his head. It looks like he’s searching for more. “No, I mean - how much do you like me?” 

Jongin is honestly confused. He’s also blushing profusely. 

If Kyungsoo really wants to know, then… 

“I don’t know you. I – I’m just a fan. But I… really, really like you. I know it doesn’t make any sense, but… I’d like to have the opportunity to get to know you better.” 

This is all he finds to say, but it means a lot to him. It’s cheesy, but it’s authentic, he believes. He wonders just how much it’ll in turn mean to Kyungsoo, who already has enough fans that Jongin isn’t anything special at all. And he’s a boy. So it’s weird, complicated and disappointing all at once to take all of these facts into account. 

At the same time, he’s beginning to feel weirdly hopeful. He definitely shouldn’t. Maybe it’s because he feels as if a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. 

Kyungsoo appears to be considering him, what to do and what to say. Maybe he doesn’t want to be too harsh? 

A minute or two tick by and it’s way too long to Jongin’s liking. 

Then, Kyungsoo leans in. Jongin feels his heart stop. 

Plush lips find the skin of his left cheek, and time stops. 

He gets a whiff of freshness and spices. He can feel the heat emanating from the other because of their sudden, shared proximity. It feels nice. Thrilling yet soothing. 

He’s never even dreamt of this. Nothing about this is logical or even probable. 

But it happened nonetheless. 

Kyungsoo sits back just in time, for the waitress shows up with their main dishes. Jongin thanks her softly, eyes averted to the table, cheeks burning. He can still feel the kiss. The skin there stings more than the rest of his face. He’s hyperaware, a bit as if Kyungsoo had smeared lipstick on his cheek by kissing him there, but it’s now nothing more than a secret between the two of them. 

No one else will know that Kyungsoo’s lips brushed against his cheekbone in an intimate way. 

 

They don’t exchange any word for a few minutes. 

Then, Kyungsoo takes the lead. Jongin is relieved because he thinks Kyungsoo owes him a few explanations. There was something… special about that kiss on the cheek. Peculiar. Somehow, it didn’t feel fake. 

He doesn’t know what to anticipate. 

“I’d like to meet up with you again. If you don’t mind.”

These few words can mean many, many different things, but Jongin didn’t think that’s what he’d hear from the other. 

“You… want us to meet up again”, he asks in disbelief. Kyungsoo simply nods, a happy expression on his lips. He looks a bit embarrassed and unsure too. It’s a bit like he’s revealing himself more and more. Does it make sense to say that when it’s only their second meeting? 

There are various possible hidden meanings behind his invitation to see each other again. 

Jongin wonders if he’s the only one to see something romantic in this. 

 

As he lies in his bed that night, he examines everything that happened today. He thinks back everything he said, everything he heard, wondering if he was and is crazy enough that he imagined all of this, distorting meanings and gestures. He wonders, too – what if everything that happened is real and Kyungsoo truly asked him… out, in a way? 

They talked a bit more after the kiss on the cheek, made small-talk as Kyungsoo finished his soup. Jongin wished they had more time, but at least they exchanged more than formalities and awkward silences. It’s nice, he thinks. 

Then, Kyungsoo had to go. He didn’t rush his goodbyes though, and asked Jongin to text him once he gets home. 

So Jongin stayed a bit more, ate his plate, and walked to the counter to pay. Then the waitress smiled and told him that everything had been payed for. 

He went back home, strange flutters in his stomach not leaving him alone all evening. 

Now, he’s trying to calm down, but sleep isn’t coming to him easily. 

He texted Kyungsoo to thank him and he didn’t get an answer yet, so it’s making him restless. 

 

He doesn’t know how many minutes pass by before his cellphone dings and the screen lights up the entire room. Instantly, he grabs his cellphone. 

**Poro** – _xxxxxxxxxxxx_

Actually 

Thank you for showing up 

It was a nice evening

Are you free Thursday night in two weeks? 

Jongin smiles as he closes his eyes. He can see stars behind his eyelids – he’s happy.


	2. Fanboy - pt.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jongin wants to know why Kyungsoo was so adamant about making it up to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's part two! Enjoy and don't hesitate to leave your impressions/comments/advices/etc.!

Did Jongin say he was happy? 

As a matter of fact, yes, he did. Or, at the very least, he had thought so to himself after his first proper meeting with D.O, his favourite singer ever. 

Is he taking back his words now? Yes, he is taking back his words (or thoughts, whatever) because he isn’t joyful at all at the moment: he’s sulking. In class. He’s feeling unsatisfied and bothered and annoyed and restless and frustrated and _anything_ else coming relatively close to these gloomy qualifying adjectives. 

In his defense, all of these really do apply to describe everything he is feeling at once. 

And he definitely has all the good, valid reasons in the world to be brooding right now, whatever his so-called _great friend_ Baekhyun has to say about it. 

The older gives him the same speech every morning _and_ afternoon every day at school and has been doing so for the past two weeks. It’s getting repetitive and disheartening, because each time he’s reminded of how Kyungsoo doesn’t have time for him. 

Kyungsoo, a fantastic Korean singer with a voice made of the purest melting honey and with looks to die for. 

Him, a random fan to whom Kyungsoo just wanted to make it up to after causing him to faint and get a nosebleed on stage and backstage. 

How inconceivable is that even to begin with? 

“Come on, you know very well that he’s busy, you almost know his schedule for the next three weeks by heart and he’s a normal human, for God’s sake! And he’s still texting you-” 

Jongin wants to argue that Kyungsoo isn’t just a normal human and that texting someone doesn’t always mean much, but he refrains from saying so to his friend and instead proceeds to slump over his desk, huffing in an unconvinced, pitiful way. Baekhyun rolls his eyes and pops a mint in his mouth, offering one to Jongin. He, albeit begrudgingly so, takes it. 

The singer is active on a TV show, has had more small concerts, fan meetings and such. And still, he’s answering to Jongin’s texts even if sometimes it takes him hours to do so. 

He’s always careful to ask his younger fan if he ate and slept enough that day, and often wishes him good luck with school and dance practice. 

Jongin is also starting to believe all the butterflies that have found refuge in his stomach for the past weeks are slowly but surely killing him. You’d think one would develop some sort of immunity over time, but it obviously isn’t Jongin’s case. 

He really can’t handle all the inconsistent feelings continually assailing his thoughts. One moment he feels like he is in a bubble of warmth and luck and the next, dark clouds are hovering above his head to remind him of how unlikely it is that he will get to know the singer better. 

And as much as he doesn’t want to be selfish about all of this, he finds himself wishing more and more often that he was important to the other. 

“I know he’s busy, but like, I mean-”

It’s then that Jongin and Baekhyun both realise class has started and the teacher is waiting for them to stop talking, clearing her throat as a warning sign of the consequences to come. She even has a hand on her cocked hip: right now, no one could interpret that body language as anything else than exasperation. 

Jongin abstains from reacting and thus embarrassing himself even more. He sinks further into his seat, and so does Baekhyun. 

Isn’t he already lucky enough that fucking Do Kyungsoo, idol and singer, is actually answering his texts? Isn’t he asking for the moon by expecting anything more? 

He shouldn’t be complaining so much. 

As the teacher finally starts explaining the day’s order, his mind starts wandering again. 

The first, main, biggest “practical” reason to Jongin’s moping is that he only saw Kyungsoo once more after that fateful evening at the restaurant, and it was on that full of promise, poetically texted “ _Thursday night in two weeks_ ”. 

(There was nothing truly poetic about that text, but Jongin likes to think Kyungsoo’s very texts could be special in themselves. He screenshotted a few of his conversations, too, but often ended up deleting the pictures later on because he doesn’t want anyone to find anything problematic on his cellphone. You know, just in case.) 

Since then, exactly a whole month has passed. This means 31 days of not seeing Kyungsoo and mostly texting meaningless things to each other – _hi, how are you, what have you eaten today?_ – and exactly fourteen days of actively complaining to Baekhyun. 

Jongin is just so done with this. (And he feels particularly whiny today.) 

On one hand, it’s true that they are still texting each other. It’s an amazing thing considering Jongin was only a fan amongst many others. 

But on the other hand, it is becoming incredibly stressful to wait for Jongin doesn’t know if anything, good or bad, will come out of this. He actually has no clue if anything _at all_ will come out of this weakly weaved relationship of sorts. 

He doesn’t know what they are to each other and, as he’d confessed to the idol on their first real meeting, he’d like to get to know him better. 

And that “Thursday night in two weeks” date, or rather, meet-up, was nice. Dreamy, even. No problem there. 

They’d met at a local park. Jongin didn’t think it’d be safe for the idol, but apparently this particular park was mostly frequented by old couples and cyclists who, presumably, would be unaware of Kyungsoo’s idol identity and popularity. 

So they had made an appointment for 6 pm. 

Kyungsoo arrived past 6.30 pm, but Jongin hadn’t really minded the singer’s slight lateness. After all, the air was warm and dry enough that he wasn’t too cold or too hot. The weather forecast had announced a clear sky for the entire evening and into the night, so Jongin had decided on a nice long sleeve marine sweater and black skinny jeans for the outing. 

His hair was now dyed brown: at his mother’s suggestion (read: insistence) and Baekhyun’s approval of his mother’s influence. 

The singer could thus easily be excused of his tardiness, especially considering he possibly had schedules to attend to during the day. 

And while waiting for the other to appear, he’d listened to some music, looking around and sitting alone on a somewhat secluded bench. 

As promised, Jongin only saw pairs of old people and, yes, cyclists going through the park’s various sand or asphalt paths. There was also a small family of three picnicking under the ever fading shade of a tree, but that was about it. 

And for once while thinking of Kyungsoo, he didn’t feel anxious. 

The power of music, probably. 

He was listening to some new song – from a group called K.A.R.D, or something like that, he wasn’t even sure – when a pair of feet in black sneakers appeared in front of him. Then legs clad in black jeans, and then a torso hidden under a black sweater appeared too, following suit. 

There was, from what he could see, a lot of black. 

Only the mop of hair wasn’t its usual black mess. 

“Ohmygod, your hair.” 

It seemed Kyungsoo got a brand new haircut: his hair was dyed a dark red with a black side-cut, and somehow, it suddenly unveiled itself as the thing Jongin never knew he needed and wanted in his life. If the all-black outfit was a bit dull in itself, the fiery red of Kyungsoo’s wild strands of hair certainly added some interesting action to the whole picture.

And it somewhat defeated the purpose of being dressed in boring black to avoid any unnecessary attention, but, oh well. Jongin won’t be the one opposing this fashion choice, whoever decided on it. 

After all, it gave the singer such a deliciously sharp appearance, and he probably got it on this very day for Jongin hadn’t seen any picture of Kyungsoo sporting this hairstyle and colours before. 

And then Jongin’s palms started sweating in abundance as the scene of his reaction to the other’s new looks played in his head, as if inked on the inside of his retina. He winced, his stomach twisting a bit. Fanboy much. 

He had even lifted a hand to his mouth to stifle a gasp of surprise when he saw the other.

That certainly didn’t help him in trying to look composed and, well, relatively normal.

And the singer was then smiling at him, scratching at the back of his head with hesitation oozing off him in waves. For some reason, he looked a bit unsure asking, “You like it, uh?” 

Maybe unsure about said noticeable, striking haircut. 

“Y-yeah. Just, forget my… reaction. But - it’s nice. It suits you well.” Jongin felt a bit like an idiot at that moment. No self-restrain whatsoever, even after meeting Kyungsoo more than once before and texting him for a few weeks. “It’s very… new, different?” Granted, they never dived into complex subjects just by texting and they’d only met twice, but it’s not like they were complete stranger. 

(Only maybe they almost were?) 

Still, Kyungsoo had nodded and smiled in a more carefree way, as if actually relieved Jongin had promptly approved of the physical transformation. 

And that was how their second official meet-up had begun. 

They’d later taken advantage of the peaceful quality of the park to discuss more freely; then, further into the evening, had walked to a small, almost vacant café to buy some snacks and talk some more.

Jongin had learned Kyungsoo wasn’t very good at school or anything mathematics, and also that he wished to do more acting through his career. 

Jongin had tried to keep his words and explanations simple about himself, though he’d told Kyungsoo more about his love for dancing and that time he saw a ballerina show as a kid. 

They were well into the night when Kyungsoo had bidden Jongin goodbye with a sincere looking smile and a hand wave telling of more meeting opportunities to come. 

Somehow, exchanging words with the older became… almost easy. 

But for now, back to the present: the teacher is presenting theoretical content at the front of the class and Jongin is oh so lost because he hasn’t been listening for the past minutes. No, instead, he has been reliving memories and emotions involving Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo and, ah, again Kyungsoo. Baekhyun is poking his shoulder, probably because he noticed the other wasn’t paying attention to the class. 

(He’s not really one to talk, though.) 

Despondence draws yet another sigh from the amateur dancer. He might as well continue to ponder on life because in addition to all of this he still doesn’t know what, of himself, sparked interest in Do Kyungsoo. And just what kind of interest, anyway? 

 

Another month passes by. 

Jongin has been dealing easily (that’s what it looks like, at least) with the lack of interactions and news from Kyungsoo. The latter has been incredibly busy. It’s not that he doesn’t text Jongin at all, but they have no time to spare on more meaningful conversations. 

Baekhyun has stopped his daily speeches and instead settles for asking questions when he deems it’s been long enough Jongin has said anything about the idol he admires. 

As for the younger, he doesn’t bother answering Kyungsoo too quickly, nor texting him too much. At times it downright hurts in his chest at night as he clings to his cellphone in his bed, longing for something, anything coming from the idol – and then he sometimes get an answer, another hello to his own simple text, and his chest feels a lot lighter. 

And sometimes he also gets nothing, nothing at all to hold on to when he feels he needs it the most, and his chest just continues hurting through the night. 

Today is one of these days where things just don’t feel right and don’t go right. 

Today is one of these days where his thoughts are a puddle of pessimistic wordings and memories and his body, even if immensely tired, is a cage, a prison where he can’t be anything but uncomfortable. He hasn’t received anything from Kyungsoo in two days, but it’s not the only thing currently weighing down on him. 

His morning and afternoon were filled with exams and even though he usually enjoys dance practice as a way-out, today his limbs were heavy and uncoordinated. He kept making uncharacteristic mistakes, slowed down the learning process of the whole choreography for everyone, and couldn’t even enjoy his supper for he felt too queasy and stressed to dare put anything in his mouth. 

And now, he can’t even sleep. His stomach is hurting, contorting and cramping, and still he’s truly hungry, but he’s just tossing in his bed trying to find a position that would help him feel more relaxed, even just a bit. Dark thoughts are creeping up from the deepest corners of his mind to remind him of how useless and unprecise his dreams are, of how baseless his efforts are, for Jongin is nothing but a delusional boy with ideas that won’t lead anywhere he should be.

He’s a boring, selfish, stupid teen with dreams and demands that reach as high as the moon, but is he really even deserving to fulfill such wishes? 

He’s not a depressed boy per se, but as much as he has fire and motivation for the things and the people he loves in general, there’s a downside to everything. He can’t always keep up with the rhythm of life. It’s tiring to be a student: expectations can crash down on you from where you least expect it. 

One can never be well all the time. 

And he doesn’t always know if the happier days weigh more than the sadder days, especially when he is choking up on even the things that bring him joy. 

All of the self-hatred he can ignore or temper on good days is oh so close of convincing him to just give up.

Give up, for it serves nothing to be alive knowing your dreams are foolish and won’t serve anything or anyone but yourself. 

Give up, for it also serves nothing to be alive if you’re only going to be a nobody who will disappear each day a little bit more in front of a computer screen, should you decide to not follow your dreams. 

There are no good answers and it makes him panic, deep down inside. 

He is genuinely about to start weeping in front of his dimly light cellphone screen. He hasn’t been able to find anything to distract himself from this invisible self-harm; his mind is so drained yet troubled, he’s hoping in vain for the time numbers on his mobile to bring him closer to sleep one minute at the time. 

And, fortunately or not, that is when it happens. 

His cellphone chimes, the sound of a new, very real notification. He doesn’t react at first, but eventually a long-suffering sigh leaves his mouth and he moves. Even just this is a lot. 

His eyes find his cellphone screen: _new message from **Poro**_. 

Should he ignore it? 

Or should he read the message at the very least? 

Almost instantaneously, his hands begin to tremble and he, with great uncertainty, unlocks his cellphone. The pulse of his heart is now stronger and faster against the walls of his veins, reminding him of how unwell he feels. (Everything is reminding him of this, in all honesty.) He is biting, nibbling at his lower lip, hard enough that he draws blood. 

The burn is welcome, as is the weak taste of iron on his teeth. He rolls over to lie on his back, squinting at the screen and waiting for his cellphone to load the texting application. He thinks he is confusion itself at the moment, unable to say if he is happy or annoyed because of the actually much awaited message. 

It turns out it’s a bit more than what he was secretly hoping for.

 

**Poro** – _xxxxxxxxxxxx_

Hey, Jongin, it’s Kyungsoo 

 

(Jongin finds it funny that Kyungsoo wrote his name, but he might as well not comment everything the other writes.) 

 

I’m sorry I haven’t been answering much 

I hope you’ve been okay, I just finished a part of the promotions 

Maybe we could meet up soon? I might be able to find a hole or an opportunity in the next weeks 

 

These words don’t make everything better, but Jongin feels a bit warmer instead of cold and utterly empty inside. He has that fleeting thought that Kyungsoo didn’t have to answer him, didn’t have to act so considerate toward him, and it makes him wonder, yet again, if he’ll ever know more about Kyungsoo’s real opinion of him. 

Nobody would believe him were he to expose his story on social medias. Or maybe some would take his words for what they are, the truth, but it would still look like a very cliché fan-crushing-on-a-cute-idol kind of story. 

He doesn’t know if the other will answer now that he texted all of this. Maybe he decided to go to sleep straight away after writing to the amateur dancer, but Jongin decides on writing back to the other right this instant. He has nothing else to do. 

He needs to. 

 

**Jongin** – _xxxxxxxxxxxx_

Hey, Kyungsoo

It’s okay, don’t feel bad for being busy, come on 

Hope you’re fine too, well not saying I’m feeling fantastic at the moment

But you know

Maybe we could meet up soon yeah? 

 

He tries not to look too eager nor too grouchy. He’s not shivering in anticipation like usual though, because he’s a bit jaded, still stuck in his self-induced suffering. 

 

**Poro** – _xxxxxxxxxxxx_

Would be nice

But what’s wrong? Did something happen? 

 

It’s quite rare that they actively text back like that. Jongin is a bit disconcerted to be asked what’s wrong. 

Granted, it’s his fault for being a bit too obvious about his stress. 

He then knows he’ll probably be asking for too much, maybe even look like he’s asking for attention, but his heart is heavy and… he just wants someone to talk to. The only reason he’s not texting Baekhyun about this instead is that he already complained a lot today, and he feels bad for it. 

Kyungsoo just had not to text him. Whatever. His fault. (Even though he couldn’t know.) 

 

**Jongin** – _xxxxxxxxxxxx_

Nothing much, just… exam day

Dance practice was shitty, I was shitty

I’m feeling sick and honestly I’m not sure pursuing professional dancing is a bright thing to do

But beside that, I guess it’s okay

 

Each time he presses send, he doesn’t dare reread his own texts. He tried to keep some sarcasm to his words, but it’s just a façade. He’s going to embarrass himself and to regret it in about, what, two minutes? 

And two minutes it is for Jongin’s regret to set in deep into his bones, for it seems Kyungsoo isn’t answering anymore. 

He wants to throw his cellphone and hide under his blankets and whine, but alas, he can’t. So he waits. 

And he really is on the verge of a panic attack when, suddenly, his cellphone starts ringing. 

Not just one chime: it’s ringing. Someone’s calling him, and when he sees the number on the screen, he feels the blood drain out of his face.

Kyungsoo’s the one calling him. Many interrogations emerge suddenly in his head, but the main one is – why is he calling _me_? 

At that very moment, he wishes he wasn’t alone in his room. He’d like to turn around and ask Baekhyun, for example, what the fuck he is supposed to do. But Baekhyun isn’t here and if he starts screaming, his mother will barge into his room in the next thirty seconds without a doubt. And maybe screaming won’t solve much of his problems. Also, Baekhyun would probably be more of an ass than a guy giving good advice. 

He can picture him smiling mockingly, his arms crossed over his chest and chewing on some candy, just shrugging at Jongin’s problems. Sometimes his best friend is helpful, sometimes not. 

So he takes in a big gulp of air, releases it slowly through his nostrils, and presses answers. 

“Y-Yeah?” 

He tried to come off as cool or just sleepy cool, but it didn’t quite work. His voice is scratchy, rough from all the suppressed sobs and the bile grating the inside of his neck. 

“Jongin? Sorry, I know we don’t really call each other, but I wanted to talk a bit, if you don’t mind?”

No, they don’t really call each other; as a matter of fact, they never call each other. 

Jongin doesn’t know what to expect. It feels a bit as if he is on the edge of something and cannot see further: is he going to fall or is there solid ground upon which he can lay another foot? 

“I – no, I mean, I don’t mind, it’s fine. What is it?”

He hears some rustling on the other end. Maybe Kyungsoo is in his bed, moving around, or just walking from point A to point B while talking to him. 

“I was just wondering, uh, are you really okay?” He notices the stronger intonation on the _really_. Maybe his texts shouldn’t have been this… truthful. Descriptive of his current state of mind. Although, in his defense, they didn’t give away that much, did they? 

He feels bad. And before he knows it, his eyes are burning. He blinks numerous times in a row, as if doing this will somehow help in making the tears recede and disappear. 

He won’t cry while having Kyungsoo, who is supposed to be his favorite idol and the one constantly giving him new butterflies in the stomach, on the phone. 

“I’m- I’m okay, seriously, I’m just really tired and the day was shitty and – I’m sorry. I don’t want to ramble to you, so…” So please, don’t ask me what’s wrong. 

He’s trying so hard to keep his voice intact and to refrain from sniffing loudly. 

There’s silence, and then:

“It’s okay, you don’t have to talk to me. But you know – correct me if I’m assuming the wrong stuff, you can… confide in me, I guess. And maybe, sometimes, your dreams will appear as unattainable or kinda stupid – but it doesn’t mean you cannot make it work or that it isn’t all worth the try, okay?” 

Jongin feels shock echoing through him. Shock, anger, but also… something closer to gratefulness, maybe. 

Tears start making their way down his cheeks. He gives up on holding it all in. 

It sucks to be this sensitive today, but he really feels like shit. His head is hanging low and he’s keeping the cellphone close to his ear. He doesn’t find it in himself to answer, although he believes he should thank Kyungsoo for the encouragement. 

This guy didn’t have to call him in the middle of the night just to try and comfort him. This guy really didn’t have to answer to his texts in the middle of the night just to wish him well and ask him how he is doing. 

(This guy, who, if he was more honest with himself, is becoming more and more of a romantic crush – and that’s a real problem. Especially since they never talked about that kiss on the cheek. It’s almost as if it didn’t happen.) 

Since he doesn’t answer anymore, Kyungsoo seems to take it as his cue to continue. Maybe he noticed Jongin was crying, too. Awkward. 

“You know, Jongin, I haven’t seen your dancing, I haven’t met your family, but I know you have true passion for what you do.” 

He bites his lower lip, hard, and like earlier, can taste sweet blood on his tongue. 

“I think – even if you’re good at dancing, you cannot always be good at it. And you said you felt sick today – and you just went through a day of exams. Give yourself a chance.” 

He almost feels as if he is getting lectured. It can be incredibly infuriating to be told to _give yourself a chance_ , _give your passion a chance_ , because no, no, no, he doesn’t have the time to give himself a chance and take it easy and all that shit. He wants to scream at the other, in some way, that he doesn’t truly know Kim Jongin and his matters and that Jongin doesn’t really know Do Kyungsoo and his personal matters, but at the same time, the other’s low, soothing and familiar voice is a salve on his bruised heart. 

He really wants to keep the sobs in, but it’s getting more and more difficult to be subtle. Kyungsoo definitely noticed by now, if the way in which he starts to talk again, more softly, is any indication.

“I’m just – I know I probably sound full of myself, or unoriginal, and I _know_ we don’t know each other that much, but I called because I really needed you to know that you can talk to me, alright?” 

Jongin breathes in, and out. In, and out again. 

“And it’s okay to be terrible. To be sick, too. About that, make sure you get some rest, hm?” 

In the end, Kyungsoo is so sweet to him that the amateur dancer can’t believe he somehow didn’t already know Jongin beforehand. 

You don’t just see someone for the first time (read: a fan you caused to faint during one of your songs) and decide to be all nice and friendly to them. There must be something else to this. 

And Jongin really tries to gather his courage and his voice, if only to answer one more time, because now silence is stretching out thin. 

“I’m… sorry, Kyungsoo. I’m so sorry. Thank you.” He has to keep it short. He doesn’t know how to word, to phrase anything else at the moment, and his chest is hurting again. But he feels, if only the tiniest bit, lighter. 

Lighter, and as much as his eyes feel puffy, his eyelids are starting to feel heavy. Something happened, magic, maybe. He isn’t sure what exactly was the necessary thing for his mind and body to suddenly understand that they are tired, but now he knows he wants to sleep. 

“It’s alright, Jongin. I know calling was a bit too much, but I just… needed to make sure you would be okay.” 

The unsaid words remain, yes, unsaid: Jongin won’t necessarily be okay because Kyungsoo called him and gave him something akin to a pep talk, but the intention is still there, very present and palpable and just nice in Jongin’s eyes. 

And to his heart, too. 

“I-… thank you. I’m sorry, I’ll be going to sleep now.” It’s not in Jongin’s habits to cut it short, but he needs it at the moment. He thinks Kyungsoo will understand. 

He hopes so. 

“It’s okay. Try to get some sleep, and I’ll do so too. Have some interview in the morning, but, give me a few days and I can find us a meeting date. Oh- Wait.” Jongin doesn’t know why, but he’s seeing Kyungsoo smiling in his head. Maybe because of the happier quality of his voice. (Maybe he knows Jongin will be able to sleep.) He hums, confirming to Kyungsoo that he is still listening. 

“Are you willing to meet me late, tomorrow night? We could go to the movies. I know a quiet place. Around 11 pm or later?” 

It’s late and it means he’ll have to be out in the city alone, but… 

“… Sure. Text me where it is?”

“Will do so.”

He breathes in and out deeply. His fingers are numb around the cellphone. 

“Alright. Kyungsoo… thank you. Good night.” 

He hangs up. 

For the following minutes, he just stares at his lifeless phone in his hands, on his knees. His head is still hanging down and trails of saltwater are still drying on his cheekbones, but still, he feels a bit better. 

A bit. 

And tomorrow, he’s going to meet Kyungsoo again. 

 

The next morning, Jongin still feels like shit but in a different way. Shivers are creeping up along his spine even though his pyjama shirt is sticking hard to his burning skin and the inside of his throat is tingling. In addition to that, his stomach is so empty it hurts. 

And yet, hunger is a very vague, undefined feeling at the moment. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to eat breakfast. 

At least, he can now confirm to himself that yes, he is sick as in physically sick. It probably is some kind of weird flu. 

So he turns around in his bed, his head spinning a bit as he does so. He grabs his cellphone laying on the small desk beside the bed, huffing at the nonetheless simple effort. He frowns at the device he’s now holding, drops it on his face once, and then finally manages to unlock its screen with clumsy fingers. He can’t tell yet if he’s still feeling sad or if he’s really happier today, so he settles on the descriptive neutral to define his present state of mind. 

The corner of his lips goes up ever so slightly when he sees that Kyungsoo texted him good night after the call. 

It’s nice of him. 

(And he tells himself that the weird somersault his heart does at the attention is nothing important enough to take into account. He conveniently ignores it altogether.) 

It’s a fortunate thing that he managed to get some sleep. He didn’t think he’d be able to afford any with his very low mood and angry stomach and all the tossing around in bed, but he can definitely say he slept like a log through the rest of the dark hours. 

With how stiff his limbs have become overnight though, he might as well just stay in. The idea of cuddling to his blankets and pillows is a marvellous one. He knows it means he’ll have to cancel a meet-up with his two older sisters and their kids, but it would probably be better for everyone this way. He’s just a bit sad he won’t get to see their dogs. 

Meanwhile, he wants to text Kyungsoo. 

 

**Jongin** – _xxxxxxxxxxxx_

Good morning 

I’m sad because I have fever and my throat is hurting :( :( :((( 

Please do something about it 

No ok I’m joking a bit

Just a bit though

Also sorry again for yesterday, thank you again

What’s the place for tonight? 

 

He doesn’t use a lot of emojis with the singer (self-control, you know), but somehow it feels right to include some when he types his messages this morning. 

He just feels like exchanging easy, natural words with the other, especially after what happened last night. 

He’s changing into a new shirt (and new boxers) when his cellphone chimes. It startles him on the spot and he almost falls as he is trying to slide a foot through his underwear’s hole, but luckily, no one’s here to catch that. 

He’s still dizzy and unsteady on his feet, so there’s that. 

He grabs his cellphone. 

 

**Poro** – _xxxxxxxxxxxx_

I really can’t do much about that

Try to get some rest will you? 

And stop saying sorry

It makes me want to hit you 

I helped because I wanted to

Well 

I hope I helped 

?

Anyway here’s the address: ___________

 

He smiles. Gosh, this is so awkward. But still, Kyungsoo appears to become more at ease with him. 

He is… starting to miss him. In a physical way? Without it being explicitly physical – it’s more about Kyungsoo’s presence and voice than any kind of proximity, really. 

It’s about being able to share words and emotions with him. It’s about enjoying getting to know him better. 

It’s been a while since they’ve seen each other. The young singer said he would probably be able to find them anoter date soon, but Jongin feels his fingers itch with the need to ask the other again even if they’re supposed to meet tonight. 

_Can we see each other soon?_

(He doesn’t want to admit this either, but he feels closer to Kyungsoo now that they had a talk such as yesterday’s one. Beside the fact that he’s also incredibly still embarrassed.) 

And he’s curious about Kyungsoo’s interest in him. 

Very, very curious. 

 

**Jongin** – _xxxxxxxxxxxx_

You helped gosh don’t worry about that… 

Also 

You said yesterday maybe you could find us another meeting date soon? 

 

He just writes – that. He doesn’t want to press too much and too far. 

Soon enough, the other answers. 

 

**Poro** – _xxxxxxxxxxxx_

Yeah

I have fewer schedules starting next week so

There should be a good time for us to meet? 

I mean beside tonight

 

**Jongin** – _xxxxxxxxxxxx_

Alright then

Also 

Have a good day 

I think I’ll go back to sleep for now haha

I’m dying

 

He just crawls back in his bed. He could’ve showered, but changing clothes at least gives him a new impression of freshness on his skin. It doesn’t feel as sticky or dirty as before. 

 

**Poro** – _xxxxxxxxxxxx_

Rest well 

And have a good day too? Thank you

Talk to you later Jongin

Will text you when I get there

Bye

 

He’s smiling when he finally puts down his phone on the desk again. Outside the sky is clear and sun, high up in the sky, but Jongin pulls the covers and creates himself a dark, comforting cocoon. His eyelids are heavy and soon enough, he’s drifting off to sleep. 

 

He’s a bit feverish when he wakes up around dinner time. Still, he goes down and finds some rice and side dishes his mother left for him with a sweet note. She went to his room while he was sleeping and is out with some friends from work, but she still took the time to cook him something light. 

He adores her. 

He eats a bit. Then, he just lies around in his bedroom, watching some videos on his cellphone. He has homework, but his head is hurting and he just doesn’t want to do anything complicated before meeting Kyungsoo at the theater. He’ll find a way to deal with everything later. 

 

It turns out the cinema is a really small independent one, and not the kind families and large groups of friends would go to. 

And Jongin realises each time a little bit more that idols such as Kyungsoo have their own tactics to go out and enjoy life. They know where to go and when – probably learned through trials and mistakes. It’s a good thing Kyungsoo isn’t a superstar. 

He doesn’t find it in himself to dress very nicely; he’s shivering and sweating because of his cold, so he just makes sure to wear comfortable sweatpants and a big hoodie. And for once, when he gets there past 11 pm, Kyungsoo is already waiting for him. 

And wearing sunglasses. Ok, this isn’t exactly something that goes unnoticed at night when everything is dark, but whatever. Jongin shrugs it off in favor of focusing on the movie choices. And definitely not on Kyungsoo’s cute, awkward smile. 

“How’s your throat?”

Truthfully, his throat still hurts and even though he took some fever medication he’s still lightheaded. But, he still said yes to Kyungsoo. "Oh, I’m okay. Yeah. Totally.” 

Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow at him – are his cheeks red or something? 

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Jongin nods promptly, trying to wave off Kyungsoo’s concern. “Yeah, it’ll be fine. Is there a movie you wanted to see?”

They settle on a foreign suspense movie and not even thirty minutes into it, Jongin can say that it certainly won’t be his favourite of the year. The characters are bland and, well, the acting turns him off for some reason he can’t explain. 

And about an hour in, he’s sleeping soundly. He doesn’t know of it, but it’s Kyungsoo’s shoulder that serves as a cushion to his head. 

The idol noticed the younger nodding off as the film continued, but didn’t say anything. He wasn’t dupe enough to overlook the fact that Jongin was sick; and when the student’s head finally pressed against him, he just made sure the other wasn’t twisting his neck too hard because of the awkward position. 

He says nothing, making sure not to disturb the other. He just wakes him up when the lights go on and makes sure he looks alright before letting him go. 

Jongin is embarrassed to have fallen asleep, but at least, he has the excuse of being sick. 

 

It takes a few days before Jongin receives any news of Kyungsoo regarding their next meeting, but eventually the other he has a timing to offer. (Deliver the damn ransom! Or not. Because it’s just about seeing each other and casually enjoying each other’s company. Yeah.)

They agree to meet at Kyungsoo’s family’s restaurant again. It will be the second time they meet there; the first time they ate there was on their first official meeting. 

And it was so painfully awkward and stiff between them that Jongin can only hope it goes better this evening. 

They’ve been texting each other for a few months already; they’ve met four times in total (at the concert, the restaurant, the park and the cinema); and they spoke once on the phone when Jongin was having a complete breakdown. It might not seem like a lot to get to know someone, but Jongin gullibly believes that, yes, they’re getting… closer and closer. 

In a way. Right? 

Texting probably helped a lot. 

And the talk on the phone definitely changed something. 

The only problem at the moment is that he’s standing in front of the restaurant and the sign clearly says _closed_. 

And they were supposed to meet in about 15 minutes. Did he get mixed up in the dates? The time? He can’t be at the wrong place – it’s definitely where they met a long while ago when Kyungsoo had offered to make it up to him. 

Minutes pass by and progressively, panic is seeping into his thoughts and limbs. Nervous ticks appear: he’s biting his lips nonstop and his left foot is constantly tapping against the ground with an erratic beat. He starts playing with the cuffs of his jeans jacket, looking down at his pants and his belt, wondering if he should text Kyungsoo or not. 

And then, as his head hangs low, feet appear in his field of view. His eyes travel up prettily shaped legs and eye-catching thighs hidden by grey jeans (not black!) to then bring him up further until Kyungsoo and him are standing face to face. It gives him a sense of déjà vu. 

The other is smiling, and since it’s raining, he’s also completely wet. Strands of his hair are sticking out at weird angles and it makes the amateur dancer want to play with it. 

And Jongin brought his own umbrella, just in case. He thus isn’t the one on the verge of shivering because of the cold. 

“I was really, well, wondering if you’d come… it’s closed?” His voice is tentative since he can’t explain himself why Kyungsoo would’ve asked to meet here if he knew the restaurant would be unavailable. Maybe it’s just a starting meeting point of sorts? 

But then Kyungsoo triumphantly brandishes a set of keys and simply unlocks the restaurant’s main door. Oh. 

“I asked my aunt if she’d mind, well, lending me her restaurant for the evening. She couldn’t have it open tonight and usually, I don’t make a mess of her kitchen, so there. Sorry for the confusion though, I thought I’d arrive before you.” His voice sounds apologetic and Jongin almost feels the need to point out that he’s always the first to arrive and that it’s okay anyway, but he keeps his mouth shut, nodding at Kyungsoo’s words. 

“Oh, alright. That’s… nice, actually?” He doesn’t want to look too eager, but if he gets to enjoy Kyungsoo in a calm, intimate spot, he absolutely doesn’t mind. Beside the fact that if he embarrasses himself, nothing will be able to distract Kyungsoo from him. 

They quickly enter the building and Kyungsoo locks the door as soon as they’re in and have gotten rid of their jackets; for some unknown reason, Jongin feels his heart miss a beat. Or two, maybe. 

It feels weird to be locked up in the same building as your idol, alone. 

Is Kyungsoo a murderer of sorts? Is he able to commit all kind of crimes by luring unsuspecting fans into a location no one will look out for? Is his aunt involved in this too? 

… 

Nah, okay, he doesn’t think so. He’s overthinking it a bit. 

And would he really mind by now? He isn’t even sure he could make himself proud and answer that _yes, he would mind that Kyungsoo lured him in to kidnap him_ , so he just pushes the stupid thought away to not further disturb himself. 

There’s probably a limit to being someone’s fan. Probably. 

“What would you like to eat? I can’t make absolutely everything on the menu, but try me?”

Oh, Jongin can think of all sorts of way in which he wants to try Kyungsoo- 

And then he realises that for the umpteenth time, he wasn’t really aware of his surroundings while talking with the singer. 

If the other noticed, he doesn’t say anything. 

They’re sitting at the very back of the restaurant, near the kitchens’ doors and only the lights above their section are on. It’s a lot more discreet from the outside that way; and Kyungsoo put down some blinds, too. 

It creates a weird atmosphere. Granted, anyone having a very intimate date with their idol would probably feel strange (and excited) about all of this, but it isn’t the first time they meet just to talk. 

But, back to the meals. 

“Uh. In all honesty…” His voice trails off as his eyes lay on the menu and he hesitates on a few options. There are salads, rolls, soups and all kinds of main dishes. 

His stomach growls. He has the urge to look down at it and scowl, but he doesn’t. Kyungsoo’s looking at him almost expectantly and he needs to come up with something that he can eat and that can be cooked by the other. 

(Wait, Kyungsoo’s going to cook for him? Ohmygo-)

“I’ll just take… doenjang-jjigae?” For once in his life, he doesn’t feel like fried chicken. His mother would probably smile at him approvingly for choosing a healthier option, but she isn’t here to congratulate him anyway. (And truthfully, he does enjoy her homemade version of soybean paste stew. )

“Sure, that I can do,” says Kyungsoo, nodding while looking at the menu. “It shouldn’t take too long. You can come with me in the kitchen if you want…?” 

Jongin nods. He could just text Baekhyun while waiting, but it sounds better to just accompany the other, really. 

And that’s how he finds himself sitting on a stool in an actually quite clean kitchen, his legs swinging by themselves as he is looking at Kyungsoo cutting vegetables. The earthenware pot is out and ready, and all that will later be needed is for the ingredients to be reunited and cooked. 

It’s silent for a while, but it’s unexpectedly comfortable, too. Jongin didn’t think he’d be able to revel in such a calm place without freaking out about the other. 

The other, who, at the moment, looks a lot like a normal, simple young man, and it betters the picture Jongin has of him even more. 

Still, there are many, many things he wishes to ask. He has been considering this for a little while already – why did Kyungsoo ever decide to make it up to him? 

What struck him so hard that he even wanted to meet up with Jongin again? 

He kind of wants answers because his own theories don’t make any sense. They also don’t mean much without any real answer. 

“Say, Kyungsoo?” 

The other looks up from the task at hands, his eyebrows raised. “Yeah?”

Jongin takes the time to take in his soft yet well-defined features, his round eyes and his cute lips. 

His eyebrows are bushy and oh so expressive. It makes him even cuter. 

“I was wondering…. What did I do to even… make you think you should make it up to me?” He tries to formulate his question in a subtle-not-so-subtle way, but he doesn’t know if it’s clear enough for the older man appears dazed for a few seconds. 

“Well, I felt bad for you, I guess?” His tone is so irresolute. It only feels like he is hiding something, avoiding something and in the right to do so because Jongin’s question definitely lacked clarity. 

An unclear answer for an unclear question. 

“No, I mean – why _me_? You didn’t know me. You just - saw me. There.” There were no reasons for the idol to try all of this. To maintain all of this alive by texting and calling and meeting with him. 

There was no reason for him to see Jongin and think, I have to make it up to him. 

There’s no such thing as falling in love at first sight or anything like that. And the singer certainly doesn’t look like he’s head over heels for the amateur dancer. 

Kyungsoo then just purses his lips and focuses on the cutting board, apparently making sure the zucchinis and onions are cut evenly. He then takes out the dried anchovies of their packaging as well as the soybean paste and others ingredients – putting everything in the pot and adding water.

He’s ignoring him or practicing sentences in his head – no way to know. Jongin is still on the stool and waiting for an answer that could change everything. He’s incredibly restless at the moment, but funnily enough his legs have stopped moving as if held back in their momentum by the gravity of what’s about to follow. 

Everything was calm and comfortable when they settled in the kitchen but now, Jongin believes he can feel tension in the air. 

But then Kyungsoo’s shoulders deflate and he hears him sigh audibly. He turns around to face Jongin, his expression a mix of many, many things. 

“I don’t think you’d believe me.” That’s how he starts, his eyes looking at a point far behind Jongin’s figure. 

“Why not?” He retorts. 

“It’s stupid, really. Nothing that makes a lot of sense.”

He’s probably dreaming, as always, but he thinks he can identify embarrassment creeping up in Kyungsoo’s voice. What does it mean, exactly? 

“I just want to know. What is it?” In all honesty, it’s not just about wanting to know; it’s about _needing_ to know. 

He has been nice enough to let Kyungsoo off the hook about that kiss-on-the-cheek thing, doesn’t he deserve for the older to finally let him on his first impression of the fan? Doesn’t he deserve to better understand the grounds of their relationship, the reason why they’re here together at this very moment? 

(The touch of plush lips against his cheek is but a faint memory at the moment. Did it really happen?) 

And Kyungsoo’s current reactions and ticks are just further confirming that there’s something fishy going on. 

He’s still staring at that point far behind Jongin. He almost wants to turn around and look, too, but he refrains from doing so. He waits. 

Patiently. 

And then Kyungsoo’s eyes are plunging into his instead. 

“When I… saw you. I thought – maybe we’d already met? A long time ago. And… when I remembered, I just didn’t want to let you go. Kinda.” 

Jongin frowns. They already met before? 

“Uh, what do you mean by _we met before_?”

Kyungsoo then smiles, throwing his head back as he starts laughing. “You really can’t say? And here I was thinking maybe you’d recognised me already and that’s why you were following me.” 

Jongin feels a bit stupid because he has absolutely no clue what the other is talking about. 

Kyungsoo must feel pity, because he stops laughing. “We went to the same school. I was about… 6 or 7? You were a year under.”

Jongin frowns even more. Furrows appear on his forehead because of how hard he’s trying to concentrate and remember and – 

And it’s incredibly far and blurry, but, yes, maybe he can remember a small boy with round glasses and a black bowl cut. He might’ve played a few times with him during recess. 

But – would that boy really be Kyungsoo? 

It doesn’t explain why the older decided to keep in contact after that fainting episode. It’s plain stupid to keep contacting a fan. And why did he never try to find him before if he, uh, maybe appreciated their few childhood adventures? 

“What? But you can’t – I mean, I’m not sure that justifies asking for my number and…”

Kyungsoo just smiles enigmatically, crossing his arms over his chest. “Doesn’t it?”

A flush creeps it way onto Jongin’s face. His lower lip is jutting out and he huffs. Why is he reacting like that to Kyungsoo’s smug tone of voice? 

And he hates it when the other does that. That thing where it feels as if he’s implying something without really answering and- agh. 

“You’re weird. You’re just weird. I could’ve been a creepy fan for all you know and you just decided to meet me again because you thought we played together during recess a few times?” Everything about him screams disbelieving. Kyungsoo seems only further amused by that. 

“What if it’s really all it took for me?” 

“But why? And do I have to remind you that it’s even weirder because I’m a male fan and-“ 

“I don’t really care.” 

Jongin freezes, his mouth open. Any word he had in mind are now stuck in his throat and then, they just dissolve into thin air. 

Are they really talking about the same thing?

Kyungsoo takes a few steps toward him. Needless to say, Jongin feels his personal space being very much invaded and he just doesn’t know how to react. 

“What.” He’s on the verge of pouting. And maybe freaking out. 

“Can’t I do something on a whim? I saw you and thought, oh, I’ve seen him somewhere – I know him. And, oh, he’s kinda cute.” 

Jongin is sporting a full-on blush at the moment. It’s getting quite hot in here, after all. And Kyungsoo’s hands are on his hips. And his face is very, very close to his own. 

He’s still sitting on the stool, but he thinks he might fall if he keeps leaning back as Kyungsoo is further leaning in and leaning in and – 

He squeaks, almost, as his weight finally tips back and he’s falling, but before he can’t stop himself from making it worse, his hands find Kyungsoo’s and now they’re _both_ falling. 

When he opens his eyes again, Kyungsoo is half straddling, half laying on top of him, and his arm actually cushioned Jongin’s head during the fall – it must’ve hurt. The tiles aren’t exactly made of velvet. 

“Oh shit, fuck, I mean, are you alright? Sorry, I didn’t-” He’s cut off by a pair of warm, chapped lips pressing against his own. His eyes are wide open in shock; while Kyungsoo’s are shut in a peaceful expression. 

The butterflies are flying around so frenetically in his stomach he isn’t sure he can feel his legs at the moment. 

When the idol breaks the kiss, Jongin almost gasps for air. 

And is mortified to find out he rather enjoyed that kiss. 

Enjoyed having Kyungsoo’s lips against his own. 

Enjoyed feeling the other’s breath mingle with his own, even though they are both guys. 

This is a problem. But his thoughts are overwhelmed by what happened rather than whatever obstacle might come their way due to their, uh, attraction to each other? 

“…You kissed me.” He’s still startled. His lips are tingling. The other smells of mint and cardamom.

“I did.” Kyungsoo doesn’t always have a lot of words. That’s something he noticed as they were talking and – 

The sound of bubbling, spilling stew is unexpected. 

Oops. 

Kyungsoo sighs deeply and swears under his breath, helping Jongin up and then he’s assessing the harm done to the food while Jongin is just looking at his back, unable to define what his own reaction should be. 

Maybe he needs some time to figure it out. 

 

Fortunately enough, no real harm was done to Jongin’s stew. (And Kyungsoo decided to eat that too. Less difficult to cook for them both.) 

They spent most of their evening either annoying or teasing one another, not yet enough at ease to mention the elephant in the room. 

But Jongin got a confession from the person he admires the most, in a way. A confession that means a whole lot. 

And it feels nice. It feels nice because he wants to return the feelings. 

He has been trying for long enough to ignore his own thoughts on the subject. 

 

It won’t be easy to deal with life and their schedules and such. 

Still, they agree to meet as often as possible, to call each other as often as possible, to text each other as often as they can, too. And to stay subtle about it. There are too many things at stake. 

Their future. Their careers. Their environment. Their reputations. 

It’s not perfect, but it might also be worth it. Jongin needs to be even plainer about his love for Kyungsoo, but with Baekhyun here to keep him in check, it’s going pretty well. 

And there are wonderful moments like right now, where Kyungsoo managed to find his way to Jongin’s place and they’re just lying in bed, their legs tangled together as they watch some random anime. It’s getting late, Jongin has dance rehearsal early tomorrow even though it’s the weekend, and Kyungsoo needs to be up even earlier because he has vocal practice and such, but it’s great to bask in each other’s presence. It’s reassuring. 

He can feel the other’s body warmth as he is playing with his fingers, and Kyungsoo’s lips are pressed against his temple ever so often. It makes him feel giddy and happy. 

They’re still young and they have a lot ahead of them, but they can try to make it work. 

Jongin believes it’s worth it; and his boyfriend, Kyungsoo, can only readily agree with him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, please comment and kudos if you liked and any constructive criticism would really, really be appreciated. 
> 
> (I'm on a quest to become a better writer! ;; Feedback's always welcome!)


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